life un-photoshopped

I was having a coffee with my good friend IK yesterday, and we started talking about blogs. She was saying how it´s so easy to create a superficial, perfect-life-appearance on the net... Bloggers tend to photoshop their lives. We all want to look as good as possible.

So, as a protest, my blog this time is gonna be honest about the not so perfectness of my life at the moment!

Last night I read a chapter in Joni Eareckson Tada´s 31 days toward intimacy with God. It was about looking people in the eyes. She writes about an experience from her childhood when she stole her mum´s diary, and later at the dinner table couldn´t look her mum in the eyes cause of guilt. "Looking one another straight in the eyes has always been a test of truthfulness", she concludes, and goes on to quote God:

"If my people, who are called by my name,

will humble themselves and pray

and seek my face

and turn from their wicked ways,

then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin

and will heal their land."

I´ve noticed that in my own life. It´s hard to focus on God, "seek his face", when I´m struggling with my own pride in some way or another...

Without being too revealing, I can say that these days I´ve been struggling with letting go of something and giving it to God. It´s like I don´t trust him; that if I give him this I´ll lose out. But I know that´s just stupid, he´s proven to me so many times that he knows what´s best for me and he does lead me to what´s best when I just let him.

Why is it such a struggle to surrender my will to his?!

Ellen Miles at the moment reminds me of the Israelites when God led them out of their slavery in Egypt. He sent all those plagues so that Pharao would send them off, and parted the sea, led them by a cloud in the day and by a fire in the night, fed them in the desert by sending food like rain... I mean, I´d be convinced by less. Yet they turned against him, complained, doubted....
It´s easy to point the finger.
And then realise I´m just like them.

So yeah, that´s my struggle at the moment. Just so you know. I´m not perfect, none of us are.
God is, and I´m trying to believe that by trusting him with my life.
Wondering if I´ll ever get there.
But I choose to trust that he´ll finish the good work he´s started in me. (Fil 1:6)
And though I´m faithless at times, he is faithful always. He´ll stick to his word. (2.Tim 2:13)

Have a blessed advent!