Words

Words

are powerful

Words can create

Words can break down and destroy

And words can heal and restore what we lost in this mess

The truth

I want to rip out the dark pages of my diary, those destructive words

I want to fill in the blank pages with thankfulness and light

I want to write about the goodness of today

Relish in the small great moments

Describe in detail

What's good

and true

:)

When I was living in Oxford, twenty one years old, I started struggling for the first time with how I looked. Which is stupid, I know, cause I'm not that different from the fashion standard of "good-looking". Yet every second diary page was filled with thoughts of ugliness, lists of how to eat more healthy, exercise more... I just couldn't get the "how do I look" and "how could I look better" out of my head. What is it with us girls??!

I asked God for words I could use as a weapon against these destructive thoughts. And the immediate thought I had was: I'm beautiful in your eyes. That's all that matters. You are all I need. I wrote down these words on a small piece of paper and hung them on my mirror. Every day I repeated these words to myself. And, gradually, I started believing them! Now, whenever I become aware of any unsatisfaction about my appearance, I say those words to myself, three times. And it helps.

So, my challenge to you today is: what kind of truth do you find difficult to believe? Ask God to give you words you can use as a weapon, and find some creative way to use them!

Fear and trust

"Fear God!" I´ve often crincled my nose at this. Isn´t God supposed to love me? Want to look after me? Care for me? If so, why on earth fear him? The bible's full of passages telling us to fear God - but as long as I haven't found a sufficient answer to this question, I've just overlooked it and gone on focusing on other things.

What I haven't realised until lately, is that by not understanding the fear of God, I've given in to fearing other things...

Like the future. Will I earn enough to pay the bills next month? Will I have studied well enough to pass my exam? I can't help but worry, I need to stress through life to get the ends to meet...

Or people. She'll probably feel judged if my way of life differs too much from hers, so I'll hide who I am and try to fit in...

Or failure. I can't be sure that I have what it takes to do what I feel God's called me to. So I'll play it safe instead of stepping out of my comfort zone...

The stories in the bible make it clear that God is almighty; stronger than any threat people may face, he is able to send plagues, destroy towns, kill people... He is also able, in any situation, to save, heal, give new life, soften hearts... and He desires to do this because He is love. God is righteous; whatever He decides, we can be sure it is deserved, just, fair... When it comes to other things that can cause fear - like worries, fear of what people will think, fear of failure - we can be sure that in the end, God will have the final word. This to me proves that God is worth fearing more than anything else.

Psalm 34 verse 7 tells us: "The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them." Giving in to the fear of God is giving in to trusting him. It's safe, it's freeing, it's delightful, because He's our creator, the king of the universe, and also our Dad. He loves us intimately.

Australia

I just came back yesterday from a month in Australia!

It´s been twelve long years since I moved from Aus to Norway. It was really hard at first, thirteen years old and in the middle of my identity crisis, and on the top of that having you´re whole world ripped out from underneath you... The first couple of years in Norway I remember feeling like I was looking down at my own body. Because mum had spoken Norwegian to me since I was a baby, it took me only a couple of months to become fluent, and friends would relate to me as if I was fully Norwegian. But I hadn´t landed, and I felt frustrated and sad as I looked down at my own body, playing with my friends and talking and laughing - how could they not see I wasn´t actually down there with them? I hadn´t landed, I couldn´t...

One evening mum came into my room to talk, and when she suddenly mentioned Australia I started crying. I managed to explain to her how I felt, and said that I didn´t want to "land" because if I did become fully Norwegian I would lose the Australian in me. But at the same time I didn´t want to stay up in the air forever, it made life so difficult... Mum answered, "you know, you can be both 100% Norwegian and 100% Australian." This un-mathematical truth shocked me, cause I was 15 and knew that 100% + 100% does not and can not equal 100%. Yet in this case, for some reason I realised, it could. Finally - I could land safely.

Since this final landing, I´ve enjoyed being in Norway and feel I´ve been blessed here in so many ways. It´s been twelve years since our family moved here, and I didn´t ever go back to visit until the 17th of december 2010...

Me, my sister Natalia and a friend Michelle went to Melbourne & Sydney to catch up with family, friends and places we knew from down under. As soon as we got off the plane in Melbourne, the smell hit me and I knew I was home. Trees, road-signs, wooden fences, k-marts, targets, the westgate bridge... Things that wouldn´t have meant anything to me while I was living there, but that made up the background scene of my life, and seeing them again was an amazing feeling.

Visiting my aunty and cousins was fantastic, as well as getting to know the Crockers (dad´s cousins and his mum´s sister) in Sydney. We also had time to be a bit touristy, saw the fireworks on new years and stayed at Bondi beach for 5 days where we recognised a few of the lifeguards from TV ;) I´m also very thankful to have been able to see Lorna, my adopted grandma, while we were there. Adopted grandma? you may ask... Well here´s the story: My dad´s mum died when I was 6. At age 7 I was being babysat by a lady named Lorna and one day said to mum and dad "I wish Lorna was my grandma". She had no husband or kids, so they got me to ask her, and she said yes and has been a part of our family and a grandma to my sister and brother ever since! Lorna is 89 now and frail - but feisty! She wasn´t gonna turn down an invitation to spend Christmas with us at a campsite in Tootgarook! We had a very laidback and meaningful Christmas, full of love :)

So now I´m back in Norway, pleased that I have adult memories from my homeland, not just childhood ones. I must say I love being back in Norway, with friends and boyfriend and family - and snow! :) But I also love knowing that I´ll be going back to Aus to visit - and that I won´t be waiting twelve years next time!